How to Have a Great Relationship with Your Children
One of the most important training grounds for children is in the home. As parents, you need to
be completely aware of how you impact their self-esteem and hence their behaviour. Babies are
born with a clean slate. They know nothing about the world around them. As newborns, they are
the centre of the Universe. Everything they learn in their first six years of life is from you, their
primary caregiver. They do what you do. They are what you are. They are sponges.
So, do you love and respect yourself? This is an important question. If so, you will be able to
show your children what that looks like and your dealings with them will reflect that.
Children deserve the same respect that you would give your friends. They are no different than
anyone else in your life. They are just smaller.
So, to have a great relationship with your children, you need to create an atmosphere of trust
and fairness. Your children don’t need to feel insecure about your behaviour to them. They need
to feel safe in the knowledge that you are consistent and fair in your dealings with them. They
need to know what to expect from you.
In families, there are always challenges. There is sibling rivalry. There are stages of growth and
changes that require special attention. Respectful communication is a necessity! What I believe
is immensely important is reasonableness. If we take a deep breath at a critical time, we allow
ourselves to size up the situation and figure out exactly what is going on, and the most
intelligent and reasonable way of dealing with it. I call it natural and logical consequences.
Things have to make sense and they have to be fair. When children can’t see the fairness, they
feel violated. Your relationship with your children is the most important thing in their lives. Think
Natural and logical consequences are, being able to connect what is going on with what is the
outcome of it. If a child is allowed to feel the consequences of his actions, he learns. For
instance, if Johnny forgets to take his lunch to school, he gets hungry. Or if Susie has not
cleaned her room, Mom is not comfortable going in there to read her a bedtime story. This
allows children to accept responsibility for themselves and helps to instil confidence and selfesteem.
When we dialog with our kids about what works and what doesn’t, they get to make decisions
and learn from them. Solving problems becomes fun because they are involved with finding the
right answers. No one is made to feel inadequate and great relationships with your children are
formed and will not only last forever, but will be passed on to the next generation.
For more on great family relationships as well as family self-esteem, go to my website at: http://
by Janet Robinson